The blossoms on our plum tree are a clear-cut indication that spring has well and truly sprung here. For my northern hemisphere friends, fall / autumn is also underway. And with a new season comes an opportunity to look at your life and review what is working for you… and what is definitely not.
The strict lockdown here in New Zealand has led me to fall back into practices that range from merely unhelpful to downright destructive. Doom scrolling news articles and binge-watching TV shows until very late are two of my most harmful habits right now.
As detailed in my book Crappy to Happy, happiness is a practice and a choice. Not only do we need to try and find ways to improve happiness but minimize ways that can decrease it. What you remove from your life is just as important as what you include.
I hope you will join me as I attempt to jettison some key happiness destroyers.
Here are three harmful habits to cast aside in the new season…
1) Harmful Habit — Consuming the News
As I write in Rediscover Your Sparkle, creating happiness in your life is a two-part deal. Meditation, gratitude and one-minute dance parties add sparkle to your day, but you must also be vigilant in keeping negative inputs out.
I have found myself checking the news in lockdown to keep up to date on covid community cases and lockdown level changes, but I end up doom scrolling far more than I need to. And it just makes me sad and frustrated. I need a clean break.
Please join me and STOP watching, reading and listening to the news.
Remove the news apps from your phone, stop the notifications and change the channel when the news comes on. Replace the negative input with a positive, interesting or educational one — a podcast, an audiobook or a funny YouTube clip. You will be amazed at how much more time you have without constant news disruptions and how much more positive you feel when surrounded by upbeat stories.
Switching off the news is not turning a blind eye to the pain and suffering in the world, but it does stop you feeling terrible about it and so adding more weight to it. And it doesn’t mean you are ‘uninformed’. Headlines will creep into your world regardless of how vigilant you are. Let someone else tell you the latest breaking news; give them the opportunity to inform you what is going on.
Some of you may find this an extraordinary request, but you don’t need to know everything that’s happening in the world, especially if it makes you feel crappy. The fact is that the news is designed to scare people. It is certainly not there to help us feel cheerful and relaxed. Trying to feel lighthearted while consuming the news is like sunbathing at night — it will never work.
2) Harmful Habit — Going to Bed Too Late
Look, I am not going to tell you how to sleep, when to sleep or how long you should sleep for. I am not even going to suggest the best nighttime ‘get ready for bed’ routine, how you shouldn’t have screens in your room or where to purchase blackout curtains. Goodness, I am not even going to tell you to go to bed at the same time. I do none of these things myself.
You know deep down you need to get more sleep. So here is what I suggest — go to bed half an hour earlier each night than you usually do. That is all. That will give you over three hours more sleep each week. Doesn’t that sound amazing? Three extra hours of beautiful slumber each and every week. That’s the equivalent of over 150 hours or almost 20 full nights of sleep in one year!
If you would prefer an actual bedtime then go to bed with lights out by 10pm. Author and speaker, Marci Shimoff calls this “catching the 10 o’clock angel train”. Set an alarm on your phone for 9.30pm and when it goes off, start getting ready for bed. My night alarm says ‘Stop faffing and brush your teeth!’. Feel free to use the same wording if it’s the kick up the proverbial you need to get the rest your body so obviously requires.
3) Harmful Habit — Weak Boundaries
It is easy to lose any sense of personal boundaries in these crazy pandemic times, especially when you work from home.
But you know you need some ‘me’ time, some boundary setting, and just because it is hard, doesn’t make it any less important. Brené Brown says, “Compassionate people ask for what they need…They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
Building and upholding boundaries is such a large topic that it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Where do you start? You start by saying ‘no’. Even in the nicest way possible, saying ‘no’ is uncomfortable, so practice on small things and build up. Here are a few ways to say ‘no’ politely:
- “I apologize but that doesn’t work for me.”
- “Sorry but my current commitments mean I cannot take that on.”
- “I can’t help you at the moment but I can schedule it after X date.”
- “It sounds amazing but I can’t give it the attention that it deserves.”
- “Sorry it is not my policy to do X.” (People respect policies, even ones you have made up yourself!)
Just say ‘no’. Say ‘no’ nicely. Say ‘no’ directly. Say ‘no’ with humor. Say it however you can and wherever you can. ‘No’ really is a complete sentence. If you do not learn to say ‘no’, then you are saying ‘yes’ to someone else’s agenda and ‘no’ to yourself.
If a no is done well, people should be happy with how clear and committed you are to what is important to you. Sometimes the other party will respond in an attacking or negative way to your no. This doesn’t happen as much as you think it might, but the possibility is there. Hold your ground! What you are doing is moving or strengthening a boundary line and it is normal for the other person to not like this. Gently but firmly reiterate your no response. Brené Brown says that she has not regretted increasing boundaries or a single no. The other party will soon accept the new normal or move on to someone more amenable.
Boundaries don’t constrain us, they free us.
Harmful Habits Elimination — One Week Challenge
Lockdown life and these surreal, pandemic times can let us fall back into detrimental behaviors but the new season can be the just the prompt we need to get back on track to happier and healthier rituals.
Three harmful habits to cast aside in the new season are consuming the news, going to bed too late and weak boundaries.
For one whole week, I am committing to not consuming the news, being in bed by 10 o’clock and saying ‘no’ at least once per day. Then I plan to extend out my healthier habits into the rest of spring.
Who wants to join me?
